If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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