Michael Bay diarrhea
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
