Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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