there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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