I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
