What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
