Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize