the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
