Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
