so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
