Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Houston, we have a squirter
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
