she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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