i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
