So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize