dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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