sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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