I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
