I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize