She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
