I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need water and some morals
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
