You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
