sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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