Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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