Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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