I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
