somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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