also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
