Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
