1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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