i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
