So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
