You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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