If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
