I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
