i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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