she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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