So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
