He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
