we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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