I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
