I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
