honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
