I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
