i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
