Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This house was built for laser tag.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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