There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
