Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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