Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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