they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
