She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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