she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
