i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
