My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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