Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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