What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
