So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
