The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
