I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
