Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
