fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
