Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Boobs speak an international language.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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