Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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