She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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