He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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