no, he came in my armpit
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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