i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
