I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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