remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
